The Amorist and I...

I have to thank him, that kind man whom I met yesterday and whom under all probabilities, I would never meet again. I still remember the smile as he passed on the many bottles of deodorants that he had stacked on the shelf behind him since his shop started functioning, possibly wondering if I was a crazy collector of outdated brands of deodorants!

Now please don't ask me why I went there. Fate does not always leave you with too many answers, does it? I was out for a walk on a beautiful evening that was yesterday and suddenly remembered that my most cherished deodorant was wailing in its final moments of utilization every time I squeezed the nozzle. I got into the nearest shop and the above mentioned gentleman displayed his 'historic' possessions infront of me. There were many familiar brands infact, but all those were patronizing the darker sex (if females are the fairer sex, the male counterparts have to be the darker ones!). And then he dug out this black bottle with a cool green lining which held the title 'The Amorist'. I can't really blame him for the most stupid decision that I had taken as a consumer in the last 27 years, can I? Well, it is true that he was chattering so much that I could not get a chance to read what was written. Neither did it help that he considered the items in his shop to be better than those in the 'new found, lifeless shopping malls' as he put it. Oh, he did not allow testing the deos either, which is normal. I don't remember having told him at any point that the deo was for my brother or husband or for that matter, any guy. Anyways, I was lured in to buying this fabulous bottle of 'Set Wet Amorist' deodorant for men!.

Now, where were my brains? What was I thinking? Hadn't I seen those horrendous ads of a cute guy holding a bottle of this despicable specimen of deodorant and 3 females writhing in pleasure over the sheer joy of watching him spray it over his six-pack? Did it say anywhere that the scantily clad females had used it too? And didn't the ad clearly mentionSet Wet Deos for men?. It so happened that, until today morning, my brains were out somewhere, playing poker with its friends.

The moment I applied the new deo today morning, I knew I was stinking. Miraculously, at this point, my brains came back after the game and I thought of taking a look at the bottle I held. Bad news, this is how it read,

"Get Set Wet Style, Get Very, Very Sexy!!( Well, no complaints so far)

New Set Wet Style Amorist is the perfect lady killer(Shittttttttt!!!)

Its enticing, seductive and works brilliantly without you having to try too
hard(Yeah, sure, I was already stinking like I jumped in to a deodorant cauldron)

Spray it on and let yourself loose(I am already finding it difficult to breath
and loosening my non existent tie)

There will be plenty who would die for an encounter with you(That was bad news!!, could not really imagine a bunch of girls flocking around me, looking for the guy!!

Since I didn't have the time to change or better even, take a bath and wash away my sins, I proceeded to the class with the abomination sprayed all over me. Was I imagining it or was it really happening? I can bet that there were atleast half a dozen ladies hovering around me, sniffing hard! Field day for my neighbor Shushant, uh, don't thank me dear friend, its all in the game. Apparently, some guys to whom I never really talked also came to talk to me today. Now, what am I to conclude from that? Should I doubt my reputation or their orientation?

Anyways, after my first and last day of being drenched in a male deodorant, I can't say that I hated it or anything. The odor is a little too strong for my liking, but it is good! On a man, it might even be seductive. So its my husband Rajeev or my brother Vishnu who would be the lucky ones who would be gifted with this particular green bottle. On second thoughts, Rajeev would not get it. A man smelling much too delicious in the deo that his wife gifted him, might seriously affect our plans of a happily ever after. So it is my brother. Oh, do I see him jumping on to a open geep with 5 females, all dying to grab and bite him? Well, that is how the deo ads these days are, aren't they? An artificial substance applied to the body to affect body odor caused by bacterial growth and the smell associated with bacterial breakdown of perspiration in armpits (in short, helps you to not stink like a pig) has now been portrayed as a Weapon of Mass Seduction? Oh my, and I end up buying the wrong brand!!!