On the 7th year of her wedded life, Gargi declared her love for him. Not for her husband, but for him. He was always there, before and after. He was there as a shadow, as a presence and as a pang of guilt.
There are moments in life when all of us wish life had a rewind button, when you think and relive a particular scene one million times in your heart, wishing you just had a chance, a chance to change one nod of the head, one smile on the lips, one comment which was out of context. And then you realize that God hadn't created the gadget called life with that particular facility and that time machine is still a myth. You live on....Gargi lived on, for seven years.
She would not brand herself as a submissive wife, she was always rebellious. She demanded things she never got. She had given up a prospering career, for a few years initially, to care for her first child. She could never go back, the responsibilities at home increased exponentially as the second child came. A husband who branded the feminine gender as a kitchen keeper and child carer didn't help things.
Gargi would not want to recall her 7 years with her husband. There wasn't much worth recalling. It all came with the pain. The pain of being violated, with one person panting with pleasure and the other writhing in pain. A sigh of satisfaction from one and a whimper of relief from the other. Gargi often wondered how she had managed to labor two healthy children through the process that would not be branded as rape only because the man who raped her was entitled to do that.And off went the days and the nights, until he came along.
They met in the mall 3 months ago. The years had not affected his charm. She knew about his rise from an ad organizer to an established movie director by then
. The media acclaimed him to be the most eligible bachelor of the movie field. Surprising enough for a coveted cine person, he had an untainted image, was liked by everyone and still managed to make good movies. Gargi wouldn't have smiled at him had she the time to move away. It was all over in a second. She saw the smile of recognition materialize on his face and in a moment, his leviathan figure was near her, looming over her protectively.
"Gargi, is that you? Oh my God, is that really you?", he could not hide his excitement. Gargi wondered for a minute what he was happy about. That after all these years, when they meet, the person who she had once chased away from her life for the lack of dreams and ambitions was there infront of her as something, and the fiery her was nothing more than just a house keeper. Was he ridiculing her? But how does he know?
They were starting to attract attention. A popular figure with a middle aged house wife was hardly a pretty sight, Gargi started searching for the rewind button again. He stuffed his visiting card to her hand and rushed out of the mall. In a minute it was all over, her life had turned around, all the feelings pursed in her started churning up as bile in her throat.
Back at her home, Gargi toyed with the visiting card for about 72 hrs before she finally decided to call him. He didn't sound surprised or irritated, on the contrary, he sounded excited. They shared the stories of their last 7 years with each other. No, he didn't have a woman in his life, and neither did he plan to have one. Her heart skipped several beats over the one hour they talked. That was just the beginning, over the next 3 months, they talked almost every day. It was never the kind of romantic interlude that can be assumed from two sex starved souls. It was the souls themselves. Over this course, Gargi learned that he had never run out of love for her. He hinted more than once that he was still crazy about her. All this attention had a tumultuous impact on her. She smiled again.
That was 3 months ago. On the day of her 7th year of presumed marital bliss, Gargi woke up with the same anticipatory commotion in her heart. Just as in the last 7 years, her husband forgot, her children forgot. Only she remembered. The most beautiful day of her life when she looked pretty in everyone else's eyes. And then he called, he wished her, he mourned for her, her losses and for losing her. She declared her love for him. This time he was surprised. So was she. She was baffled by the irony of it. A man who she could have married, with whom she could invariably have lived a better life, there he was, even after 7 years, wishing she was his. To choose this particular day to let him know of her feelings for him, that was the test of destiny. The world is neither flat, nor round, it is a double helix, with the creatures on it dancing in pairs, sometimes you just fail to see the person on the other side!
2 days later, he called her up again. They were truly lovers now. The feelings they hadn't experienced 7 years ago were coming back to them, one after the other. She giggled in kitchen, he worried about the white hairs on his head, life was beautiful. The fact that they could never be together inspite of all this love was not a concern anymore. Perhaps people could love each other that way, under the realization that all that they can is just love, and love blindly, for if you open the eyes once, the truth might just incarnate itself infront of you and might break your resolve, your heart. That you can be lovers without a hug, a kiss or promise of one or several nights together.
He wanted to meet her, he had something to give her. In the coffee shop, 2 hours later, he gave her a Garcia. 'Love in the time of cholera'. They chatted for a while, and he asked her.
"Gargi, the only woman I have ever loved and would ever love, if I am your Florentino Ariza, would you be my Fermina Daza?"
She didn't have to think twice before answering yes, for she had read that book a long time ago.
And then lived on..for that day together, in some boat on some river that would not take them anywhere other than the loves end....
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Alicia Roeth was happy and excited. On their last days at work, people could feel ecstatic for different reasons. Freedom from the clutches of a manager who reminds you of Idi Ameen, moving on to a better place that has promised to pay you a little more than the pea nuts that you now get, prospects of meeting the Prince Charming on his horse. Well, not Alicia. She has spent her last 4 years in this tiny firm with just about 40 employees, and never once complained about anything. She has helped build and establish this place; she was a part of it. And it was not money that was luring her away from it. Alicia had always wanted to do her Masters in a university that was almost 500 miles away from her current firm and resignation was the only way out. She was looking forward to being back to school and more than earnestly anticipating an enviable farewell!
Farewell, the act of saying good bye. Alicia was sure that her colleagues in the firm were planning a grand farewell for her behind her back all these weeks after she had given her notice. Damn it, they would miss her badly, won't they???
The first shock came 3 days before her last working day. A guy who was with them for almost 2 weeks was getting married and the team was giving him a 'Good luck' party. The 40 of them assembled in their largest discussion room and the speeches started. Their 2- time divorced general manager explained the importance of having a partner and about the virtues of commitment, loyalty etc. He also handed over the gift voucher (the gift varies according to your importance in the firm, Alicia usually decided it) with all his newfound friends wishing him good luck. As they were getting ready to leave the room, the omnipotent GM roared again. 'Dear team, as you all know, our dearest Ms Alicia Roeth is also leaving us in another 3 days, we would like to thank Alicia for her invaluable services to the firm and proceed to present her a tiny token of appreciation'. It was all wrong, Alicia wanted to say. This was definitely not what she wanted. Was this what her colleagues were planning for her? No Champagne? No party hall? She had envisioned a beautiful function in a well decorated room, where all her friends would smother her with their love, 'I would miss you' and yes of course, there would be some parting gifts too. She had stocked her tiny drawer also with enough gifts for all of them. She wanted them to remember her thus was leaving the marks behind to make it easier for them, not that she really thought they would need any to remember her! Her GM’s cacophony shook her back to the present, in the dingy discussion room, where she was handed over the indeed tiny packet, exactly similar to the one the rookie got. There was a round of customary applause and a moment later, the impatient team filed out of the room.
Now all that was 2 days ago, Alicia still had her last day to look forward too. The clubbing of her farewell with the rookie's good luck party was probably the GMs decision and you don't question the boss. Her colleagues still had some plans, she was sure of it. As Alicia stepped into her office for the one last time, she looked around and felt a weight settling in her heart. God! She would miss this place. Today was the big day, there would be tears and not just from her. She had sneaked in a large plastic bag in her bag to stack all the gifts she would get. She hoped that she would not have to call a taxi to carry everything home. The first distressing event of the day was that everyone seemed busy. She was the only person leaving and was hence free, but others still had work. Alicia found that reasonable and forgave her friends. At around 10 in the morning, she sent out a good bye mail to all, partly as a routine and partly to remind everyone in case they have forgotten. One liner replies like 'All the best', 'Good luck on your future endeavors’ etc shot back in an instant to her mail box. So when was the party? Lunch time and she got a few more messages and mails, most to clarify the doubts in the tasks she had already transitioned. Alicia stirred at the sound of every foot step near her cubicle, every time her phone beeped, at every mail she got, this must be the one. Around 6 in the evening, Alicia was among the 10 people remaining in the office. As a rule, most people left office before 5 on Fridays. Before they left, some shook hands with her, some gave her a customary peck on the cheek. There was no hint of a party or gifts.
10 minutes after 6, once she was sure everyone had left, Alicia got up from her seat. Slowly, she pulled out the gifts one by one, and placed it on her's ex-colleagues tables.
Ironically, when she left her home for 4 years, she felt no anger, no sadness, no remorse..just a feeling of being disinherited from one's family...
Farewell, the act of saying good bye. Alicia was sure that her colleagues in the firm were planning a grand farewell for her behind her back all these weeks after she had given her notice. Damn it, they would miss her badly, won't they???
The first shock came 3 days before her last working day. A guy who was with them for almost 2 weeks was getting married and the team was giving him a 'Good luck' party. The 40 of them assembled in their largest discussion room and the speeches started. Their 2- time divorced general manager explained the importance of having a partner and about the virtues of commitment, loyalty etc. He also handed over the gift voucher (the gift varies according to your importance in the firm, Alicia usually decided it) with all his newfound friends wishing him good luck. As they were getting ready to leave the room, the omnipotent GM roared again. 'Dear team, as you all know, our dearest Ms Alicia Roeth is also leaving us in another 3 days, we would like to thank Alicia for her invaluable services to the firm and proceed to present her a tiny token of appreciation'. It was all wrong, Alicia wanted to say. This was definitely not what she wanted. Was this what her colleagues were planning for her? No Champagne? No party hall? She had envisioned a beautiful function in a well decorated room, where all her friends would smother her with their love, 'I would miss you' and yes of course, there would be some parting gifts too. She had stocked her tiny drawer also with enough gifts for all of them. She wanted them to remember her thus was leaving the marks behind to make it easier for them, not that she really thought they would need any to remember her! Her GM’s cacophony shook her back to the present, in the dingy discussion room, where she was handed over the indeed tiny packet, exactly similar to the one the rookie got. There was a round of customary applause and a moment later, the impatient team filed out of the room.
Now all that was 2 days ago, Alicia still had her last day to look forward too. The clubbing of her farewell with the rookie's good luck party was probably the GMs decision and you don't question the boss. Her colleagues still had some plans, she was sure of it. As Alicia stepped into her office for the one last time, she looked around and felt a weight settling in her heart. God! She would miss this place. Today was the big day, there would be tears and not just from her. She had sneaked in a large plastic bag in her bag to stack all the gifts she would get. She hoped that she would not have to call a taxi to carry everything home. The first distressing event of the day was that everyone seemed busy. She was the only person leaving and was hence free, but others still had work. Alicia found that reasonable and forgave her friends. At around 10 in the morning, she sent out a good bye mail to all, partly as a routine and partly to remind everyone in case they have forgotten. One liner replies like 'All the best', 'Good luck on your future endeavors’ etc shot back in an instant to her mail box. So when was the party? Lunch time and she got a few more messages and mails, most to clarify the doubts in the tasks she had already transitioned. Alicia stirred at the sound of every foot step near her cubicle, every time her phone beeped, at every mail she got, this must be the one. Around 6 in the evening, Alicia was among the 10 people remaining in the office. As a rule, most people left office before 5 on Fridays. Before they left, some shook hands with her, some gave her a customary peck on the cheek. There was no hint of a party or gifts.
10 minutes after 6, once she was sure everyone had left, Alicia got up from her seat. Slowly, she pulled out the gifts one by one, and placed it on her's ex-colleagues tables.
Ironically, when she left her home for 4 years, she felt no anger, no sadness, no remorse..just a feeling of being disinherited from one's family...
Monday, August 22, 2011
My namesake ruined my name!!
'So what is her name?', I asked him again. 'Oh, whats in a name, it's just a name afterall, you technically have no control over it, do you?', he replied. Ok, this was weird, Abu was my friend for about 8 years, we had very few secrets from each other and I was pretty sure that I was the first person after him and his newly found girl fried, with whom he was sharing the secret of her existence.
'Abu, I understand all that, what I don't understand is why you would not tell me her name?, is there a trouble?'
'Leave it Vids, she has a name and its just a name', Abu was desperate to get away from me now.
'Damn it Abu, tell me or go away', my final warning!
'Shakeela', Abu whispered. I could not hear him, Abu hadn't whispered this softly even on our exams and a failed encounter at copying!
It was Abu's turn to be angry now, 'Damn it, damn it, damn it Vids, her name is Shakeela Azeez, you happy now? huh'.
There it goes, I could hardly stifle a smile! Shakeela was a lovely Arabic name, it meant 'pretty', I knew many females who proudly carried that name. That was until she appeared on the screen. She as in, 'The Shakeela'. Shakeela was a softporn star of the South Indian movie industry. At one point of time, when even the super stars of the industry failed to produce an output at the theaters, Shakeela's movies ran house full! There wasn't a person in Kerala who didn't know her. And that made it all the more difficult for the numerous other Shakeelas around. They started to shy away from occasions that would render their saying their names. Some started using their pet names, and a few others even changed their names!
I looked at Abu. There he was, having found his true love, but with a horny name! I went near him, put my hands around him and consoled him, 'Abu, dear, whats there in a name?, afterall its just a name', I went on as I prayed to God to never produce a porn star who has my name!!!
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